Bigshot Bryan

 

 

 

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Week 8 - Promotion already!

"Hello everyone. Well itís the New Year, which can only mean one thing. Thatís right, cue drum roll, staff appraisals!

The time of the year where all those slackers get whatís coming.

More importantly, though, I got a promotion, and of course a massive pay rise! 4.1 percent, which is a full percent more than inflation. Even though Iíve only been on the team for such a small amount of time really, Iíve been fast-tracked ahead of Malcolm, Sandra and lovely Sharon.

Theyíre really rewarding members of the team responsible for our record performance over the last fiscal. So technically, they all report to me now, even though theyíve been with the bank much longer. I was also told Iíd been ear-marked for a junior managerial role, so this time next year I might be speaking to you as a bone-fide manager!

Left: Appraisal, one of the six key components of any enriched lifestyle

Those fools who donít put in the work look pretty silly after their appraisals. I donít understand how they think theyíll be promoted and get pay rises the way most of them carry on.

Almost the whole office was off sick on Monday morning. Turns out that the elite Italian coffee shop next door, which we all frequent for our fix of caffeine, sold us a dodgy batch of cinnamon latteís on the Friday, and most of my co-workers have been bed ridden all weekend. Although I have to say that all the lazy people from the next table down were off, which was very convenient given that it was their appraisal day.

I felt fine and I had a latte, but then I also received a glowing appraisal."