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The week in paraphrases

Why the glum look? Oh yeah.

Casting a luminous eye over the mad ramblings football people say when the cameras are shining into their eyes.

Redknapp quick to scupper Pamarot “cynical bones” tag. After Noe Pamarot’s callous boot connected squarely with the face of Tottenham’s Egyptian winger Hossam Ghaly, Portsmouth manager Harry Redknapp proved he would defend the indefensible by claiming Pamarot doesn’t have “a cynical bone in his body”. More challenges like that will leave further opponents without any teeth in their bodies, cynical or otherwise. Meanwhile, in Manchester, Sir Alex Ferguson celebrated his becoming an official OAP by coining the bleeding obvious after Chelsea’s freak draw with Reading, admitting he was “pleasantly delighted” with the result.

In the bottom half of the Premiership, World Class manager Alan “Curbs” Curbishley apologised to the fans after West Ham were demolished by “Champions League” Reading. “These players are better than they’ve been showing,” he said, no doubt restoring total confidence to the fan’s belief that they will stay up. North of the border, talented ex-Rangers manager Paul Le Guen offered up a tongue-twisting explanation why Barry Ferguson had lost the captain’s armband. “Barry is talented and I know that the captain I had was less talented and that we had a less talented team, but I know it was the right decision.” Perhaps talent was a bit more important than you thought in the SPL Paul?