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James Bond 007: The Daytime Always Wins

An original 007 adventure!



Int. M's Secret MI6 office

M: Bond, Iím sending you back to World War I; intelligence has picked up some information on the whereabouts of Gonzalez.

Bond: Gonzalez, the drug baron. So thatís where heís hiding.

M: It is a top-secret mission called Operation Daytime. If you are captured or if you expire we will as usual deny all knowledge of your involvement.

Bond: Nice to see the MoD carrying on with itís sense of charm and grace in tact as always.

M: Yes. Anyway, intel suggests heís hiding out here [points to a map]. Itís in the middle of a place called the Somme Valley.

Bond: The middle of no-manís-land, if Iím not mistaken.

M: Thatís right. Operation Daytime is exactly that, you are to infiltrate Axis controlled no-manís-land where Gonzales is believed to be collaborating with German forces.

Bond: Daytime in no-manís-land. Sounds like a walk in the park. [Lights a cigarette]

M: Watch it 007. And donít look at me like that.

Bond: Like what, maíam?

M: That slanted smirk you seem to sport nowadays. And knock off that odd accent as well. Though I do have to admit itís an improvement on that ridiculous suave act you used to do.

Bond: Always glad to be of suave-ice, M, you know that. So come on, how do I get to this Great War?

M: Using special gadgets of course. Each one specifically designed to assist you in one very particular way when you come across all that exciting peril you always get yourself into. Like the other week when I asked you to nip down the offy to pick up a few tins and you ended up causing an international incident when you shot up those illegal immigrants who worked there.

John Cleese: And youíll be using this state of the art Aston Martin DB20 Time Machine of course!

Bond: Q, you old devil, where have you been? Not seen you for a few adventures old boy.

John Cleese: Oh grow up 007. Ok, why donít you give the new Aston a spin eh?

Bond: Much obliged. [door comes off in his hand]

John Cleese: What have you done to my car?

Bond: Nothing.

John Cleese: Yes you have. Look, itís off.

Bond: Itís not.

John Cleese: It is! Youíve had that door off. It has become disentangled with the rest of the car.

Bond: Well, its not completely off is it?

John Cleese: It is! That is an ex-door. It has ceased to be an adequate barrier to the carís shell. It is broken off.

M: Thatís enough! The door would have been shot off immediately when you reach no-manís-land anyway 007.

Bond: Smashing.

M: Oh 007. Good luck 007, remember your mission, and donít forget the intel reports on Gonzalez

Bond: Understood M. But remember, the daytime always wins.

[Bond theme tune kicks in]