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Tea In The Workplace

The staff of our sister magazine Coffee Cingdom are constantly talking up the benefits of coffee in the workplace. Advocates for coffee often cite higher caffeine content as a reason for its particular effectiveness in the office environment. But recent research in the offices of FTSE-100 giant Duo Bio plc in Tolworth, Surrey, indicates that it is not a view shared by all. In fact, if the research is to be believed, it would appear that the office favourite is in fact British Empire-pioneered, cup of tea.

The research, to be published in next weeks Tea journal, was based on observational data over a one hour period of time. The behaviour of the office staff was measured, comparing reactions to an offer of a cup of tea, to an observed lethargy from simply ordering from the coffee dispensing machine towards the far side of the office. It was found that there was a great amount of enthusiasm towards the offer of tea, whereas offered of machine dispensed drinks (including coffee) were met with far more lackadaisical mannerisms. The researchers are keen to point out that the relative differences in effort to make the two drinks had an impact on the results, but were found not to have a statistical insignificance when tested.

Critics of the study point to serious methodological flaws such as a lack of any numerical attempt to collate the data at all, as well as the fact that the findings are said to be based, according to one insider who worked closely on the research, on “bullshit”. Nevertheless, many prominent experts in the field of hot drink research have advocated the significance of the results, which according to them, have wide ranging implications. Dr. Kelly Simpkins of the University of Aberystwyth, a leading academic in the field, told Tea’s Up “Due to the Americanisation of the world, and its impact here in Britain, much research has indicated that coffee is fast replacing tea as the drink of choice in yuppie-filled cesspit excuses for offices. The Tolworth report, on the other hand, if true, suggests that, err, the opposite is true. Yes.” Dr Simpkins then added “Can I go now?”