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BBC One Coverage: Match of the Day, Saturday Evening

Production Crew: Two minutes till we go live guys.

Lineker: Cheers Mike.

[Mark Lawrenson & Alan Hansen arrive on set and take their places]

Lineker: Alright Alan? Mark.

Hansen: Evening Gary. Mark, you sit there. I’m sitting next to Gary this week.

Mark: You got to sit next to Gary last week!

Hansen: Terrible defending! [Repeats at differing volume levels and pitches, then takes a gulp of water and gargles it in his throat]

Production Crew: Thirty seconds now please gents.

Lineker: So Alan, what did you think of this weeks’ action?

Hansen: I didn’t see any of it! Not since the wife got rid of the old Sky TV, you know? Looks like I’ll be blagging it this week.

Lineker: Yeah, me too. Thank God for autocues!

Production Crew: OK, three, two, one, we’re on.

Lineker: Hello, and welcome. Well, it’s been another spectacular day of action packed with the usual thrills, spills and controversy. Tonight we’ll be looking back on the afternoon’s action, and I can tell you, even though Christmas is a way off yet, there were one or two real crackers, plus, a contender for goal of the season. With all the usual expert analysis we’re joined by Mark Lawrenson and Alan Hansen. Now, first up we have action from Vicarage Road, as Bolton Wanderers take their four game winning run to Watford. Watching the action for us is Jonathan Pearce.

Production Crew: OK, Gary, and we’re out.

Lineker: Looking to get the dregs out first tonight then eh? Lets hope they haven’t all fallen asleep by the time they come back to us.

Lawrenson: I saw this game earlier, it was awful. Championship stuff really.

Lineker: I’m going to the toilet. Alan, pay attention, I’ll ask you about Diouf when we’re back.

Hansen: OK, but do us a favour. Wear trousers next week.