Television Story Telling






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"The Magic Key" BBC2 (on late)

Ever, like us, wondered why it is that they put kids TV programmes on BBC 2 ridiculously late at night? Itís not like kids are going to be able to watch it then, about 7 hours past their collective bed times.

Why are they on so far beyond the watershed?

Chip: Biff? Hey Biff, get your arse down the stairs now! Mumís made porridge for us both.

Biff: [Emerging from bedroom] Donít shout at me!

Chip: You want this porridge to go cold?

Biff: Donít speak to me. You got no business talking to me like that.

Narrator: And so, a new morning broke out in Magic Key land. Look, thereís the birds singing in the trees, and over there Marsha the post-mistress is delivering her sack of mail.

Chip: Fuck you Biff, you cheap tart. Iíll talk to you how I want.

Biff: Every morning the same. Youíre just not a morning person are you Chip?

Chip: Just fucking get off my case.

Narrator: Biff and Chip were in for a surprise today. Gran was coming around for afternoon tea, and later she was to take them both out for a trip to the zoo.

Mum: I have a surprise for you today. Gran is coming around for afternoon tea, and later she is taking you out for a trip to the zoo.

Chip: Great, thatís just what we want. That old bitch coming round here being all patronising because weíre kids.

Mum: Chip! Watch your mouth!

Chip: Iíll watch my mouth when you stop whoring yourself out to pensioners to fund that heroin habit.

Mum: Oooooooh yeah. That is better. Iím sorry what did you say Chip honey?

Chip: What time is Gran coming?

[Mum slips into a world of her own]

Biff: I donít think she can hear you Chip.