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Latest York manoeuvres spark renewed invasion fears

A fresh build up of soldiers amongst the hills of northern Libertyville has provoked a widespread outcry from leaders and politicians across the region. At 8.34am, military radar picked up a gargantuan movement of personnel in the lowlands. It was later confirmed through a series of civilian reported sightings that the movement had taken place. One onlooker reported seeing figures amassed on top of the highest hill, while subsequent sightings purportedly saw personnel heading back down again.

Though official figures are yet to be released, it is estimated that the numbers of troops on the drill amounted to as much as ten thousand. Shocked locals awoke to the news fearing an attack was imminent. Moving to calm the situation, government officials reassured locals that they were doing all they could to prevent this by increasing the threat level to “Guaranteed,” the second highest level behind “Brown Trousers Time”

 

 

   Image: Duke York (Reuters)

Duke York, who is currently thought to possess full control over the militants, had previously played down suggestions that a show of strength was imminent. Concerns that the Duke is rehearsing for a full-scale invasion of Libertyville are such to be exacerbated by York’s increasingly unpredictable behaviour. The news is likely to bolster the political campaign from many on the right who believe that a pre-emptive attack on the Duke’s forces may be the only way to adequately defend their homeland. Kansas Vorobei, government senator and chair of right-thinking think tank Yorkwatch suggested that “[a pre-emptive strike] is the only language the Duke speaks”.

Although harsh sanctions on the Duke and his band of followers have already been in action in recent times, there has already been calls for tightened austerity in future. Controls are already in place preventing the export of marching boots and medal polish to the effected northern territory. It is already being suggested that this ban may now be extended to include bayonets and pens. The impact of these restrictions, however, has been widely disputed by military experts who believe that the controls do not work, leaving the inhabitants of the area feeling “less smart than they should”.

Military fears of a renewed drill were heightened last month when a leaked message purportedly from top officials in the York administration was uncovered.

Full Transcript of Leaked memo:

The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men
He marched them up to the top of the hill
And he marched them down again
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down the were down
And when they were only halfway up?
They were neither up nor down
Goal!


The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 men
He forgot to march them up the hill
Forgot to march them down again
And when they were up they were down
And when they were down the were down
And when they were only halfway up?
They’d still not moved a jot
Goal!


The Grand old Duke of York
He had 10,000 pens
He talked his way through military walks
Appealing over dinner most to friends
And with all their meat there were forks
And their wine was all bound by corks
And by the time he’d finished his talk
They’d finished all the pork
Goals!


A policy of containment followed by the Libertyville ruling party, the right leaning neo-conservatives Screwloose has so far proved effective at preventing rising tensions on both sides. Whether this policy remains the most relevant is likely to be a topic of furious debate in the coming days and weeks.