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Independence Day II
Int. Alien Mothership. Whirring alien machinery and flashing lights
The President of the USA: Where are we? Where have you taken
Goldblum: I don’t like the looks of this Mr. President.
The President of the USA: No. Look over there! Is that? No,
we’re in the alien spacecraft. Don’t tell me those sons of bitches are back?
Will Smith: If they are, we’ll blow their shiny asses to
Alien One: We’re talking to you via specially constructed
voice boxes made out of your earthling plastics. There can be no peace, only
Goldblum: Looks like he’s trying to communicate with us via a
series of bowel movements.
Will Smith: By the smell of things, I’d say he’s talking real
Goldblum: Dammit, don’t you see what’s going on here?!
The President of the USA: What is it?
Goldblum: We’ve only got five minutes to stop the destruction
of the world!
Will Smith: Oh boy, that don’t sound good, how do you know
Goldblum: That is… not something you need to concern yourself
with. Here, have this box of cigars.
Alien One: Silence, all of you. In just five of your puny
earth minutes your planet will be toast. And there is not a god damn thing
you can do about this, I am afraid.
Alien Two: I concur.
The President of the USA: Ugh! There’s vomit all over my
shoes. That bile… the smell is revolting!
Goldblum: God, help me. God help us all! Mom!
Will Smith: Eat futuristic alien laser, alien scum!
The President of the USA: That’s your wallet. How are you
going to defeat them with a wallet?
Will Smith: Hmm. Eat… credit cards, aliens!
Alien One: Aaaaargh! Plastic cards! Our one weakness, except
for an easily corruptible computer system of course, how did you know that!
The President of the USA: Careful Will Smith, there’s alien
sludge pouring out of that one’s face, and it’s dissolving Geoff Goldblum.
Goldblum: Shhhhhhhaaaaaaaa! Soup soup soup…. kaaah.
The President of the USA: Good job, Will Smith. Now how do we
get out of this stinking alien space ship?
Will Smith: Space ship? What the hell are you talking about?
The President of the USA: The… what? Where is this place?
Will Smith: Mr President, you’ve been bathing in a cesspool
for the last ten minutes. Do you want me to fetch you a towel now?
The President of the USA: Barf. Barf! Smith, get me a towel,
that’s an order!