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Independence Day II

Int. Alien Mothership. Whirring alien machinery and flashing lights aplenty.



The President of the USA: Where are we? Where have you taken me?

Goldblum: I don’t like the looks of this Mr. President.

The President of the USA: No. Look over there! Is that? No, we’re in the alien spacecraft. Don’t tell me those sons of bitches are back?

Will Smith: If they are, we’ll blow their shiny asses to kingdom come.

Alien One: We’re talking to you via specially constructed voice boxes made out of your earthling plastics. There can be no peace, only war.

Goldblum: Looks like he’s trying to communicate with us via a series of bowel movements.

Will Smith: By the smell of things, I’d say he’s talking real shit.

Goldblum: Dammit, don’t you see what’s going on here?!

The President of the USA: What is it?

Goldblum: We’ve only got five minutes to stop the destruction of the world!

Will Smith: Oh boy, that don’t sound good, how do you know that?

Goldblum: That is… not something you need to concern yourself with. Here, have this box of cigars.

Alien One: Silence, all of you. In just five of your puny earth minutes your planet will be toast. And there is not a god damn thing you can do about this, I am afraid.

Alien Two: I concur.

The President of the USA: Ugh! There’s vomit all over my shoes. That bile… the smell is revolting!

Goldblum: God, help me. God help us all! Mom!

Will Smith: Eat futuristic alien laser, alien scum!

The President of the USA: That’s your wallet. How are you going to defeat them with a wallet?

Will Smith: Hmm. Eat… credit cards, aliens!

Alien One: Aaaaargh! Plastic cards! Our one weakness, except for an easily corruptible computer system of course, how did you know that!

The President of the USA: Careful Will Smith, there’s alien sludge pouring out of that one’s face, and it’s dissolving Geoff Goldblum.

Goldblum: Shhhhhhhaaaaaaaa! Soup soup soup…. kaaah.

The President of the USA: Good job, Will Smith. Now how do we get out of this stinking alien space ship?

Will Smith: Space ship? What the hell are you talking about?

The President of the USA: The… what? Where is this place?

Will Smith: Mr President, you’ve been bathing in a cesspool for the last ten minutes. Do you want me to fetch you a towel now?

The President of the USA: Barf. Barf! Smith, get me a towel, that’s an order!