Starring Col. Moore and Cain






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Episode 1.

This week, the two sit on the board of a major pharmaceutical manufacturer.


     Cain: "AND IT'S A DRINK!"

There is a meeting taking place.

The managing director loomed over the room of directors menacingly. A furious glint in his eye bestowed upon his attendees the importance to which he clearly attached to the extraordinary general meeting. “We need a name. R&D has made it tasty. It’s made it sweet. But what we need is a name.” He marched around the attendees of rectangular conference table like a drill sergeant might inspect his worthless maggots. “CAIN! What do you think?” Cain froze, unable to make eye contact with the imposing frame of the MD.

“What…colour is it sir?” He said examining his tie. Moore interjected. “Cain! Address your managing director properly when he speaks to you! You know damn well what colour it is!”

“Sir.” Replied Cain.

Moore spoke directly to the managing director. “Sir, Cain has been researching names and has come up with the best name suggestion yet. As we all know, except Cain that is, the product is lemon flavoured and yellow.” Cain’s eyes bulged. “AND IT’S A DRINK!” he interrupted, banging the table hard with his fist.
“That’s enough!” Moore said. The MD looked infuriated. “So it’s lemon,” Moore continued, “and it’s a drink. What do you do with it? Our research has suggested you drink it. Or, to put it another way, you sip it.” The other directors audibly gasped as enlightenment blew away the great clouds of doubt and confusion they’d had.

“Lemon. Sip. Lem-sip. LEMSIP!” Moore concluded.

The MD’s look all at once changed from one of extreme fury to elation. “Moore! My God you’ve done it! Lemsip. Marvellous!” The other directors began to cheer Moore’s name. “Moore! Moore! Moore!

Cain, on the other hand, felt violated by the credit going to Moore. He swallowed hard. Moore, his superior, who as an army colonel had five years previous saved him from the burning wreckage of an exploded car, bombed by insurgents. Now it was payback time. Now Moore was getting something back all right. It wasn’t enough though. Cain rose from his chair and wiped some saliva from his mouth with the sleeve of his suit jacket. He stood up in front of the managing director.

“Cain! What in the name of the holy whore are you doing?” he fumed, freshly enraged by Cain’s bold manoeuvre. Cain stood in front of him, calm now. Then he landed a right hook that sent the managing director crashing backwards as he flew into a plant pot on the back window behind and brought a piece of modern art down from the wall. Cain strode up to the window. The punch drunk Cain finished the job by dropkicking the managing director through the window and down.

“Cain you stupid bastard!” Moore said. “What have you done?” Just at that moment company security poured into the conference room, bullets reining down indiscriminately on them all as the smoke obscured everything to the sight if not the sound. “Looks like this meeting is cancelled” Moore said, using the luxury swivel chair he was sitting on to beat a way past the other directors and to the smashed hole in the window. Cain set off after him, hurling himself out and falling two stories to the car park below.

“Looks like we’re out of a job, Cain” Moore said, dusting himself off.

“Sir” Cain replied.