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Entry 6: Merry Christmas from the island of Ketsbaia!

I hope you are all having a wonderful Christmas holiday period. At my household, I decided, with Christmas being the time for forgiveness and all, to try and “reconcile” my differences with some of the sort who have plagued my life over the last few months by having a Christmas Buffet for them.

Amongst the party of guests were Captain Madd and his First Mate, Mr Jimmy and Mr Katherine the town traders, and the previously estranged Beat Notz. Things all seemed to be going well enough as they talked amongst themselves, though I felt like I was treading on eggshells in order to prevent myself from infuriating any one of them.

Perhaps the most surprising guest of all was the uninvited Colonel Sprout who, in an unlikely turn of events, turned up with a big vat of sprouts and a barely but unmistakably breathing turkey. It was at this stage when events took a turn for the worst. It seemed that Sprout had stolen “Kodak” the turkey from Mr Jimmy’s pet store, and was largely unaware that he was also a guest of mine that afternoon. You can just picture the scene now!

Sprout’s reacted to Mr Jimmy’s all-too-inevitable volley of verbal abuse by throwing a hot bowl of gravy at him. The liquid properties of the gravy meant that most of it ended up on the other guests, whereupon in sued a vigorous brawl that was only began to subside when Back To The Future II came on the telly.

Earlier in the day the island’s children were dealt a real treat when Father Christmas took time out from His busy schedule to chew the fat over a brandy and mince pie. Holed up in His official residence, the Grotto, it was clear that Santa really has let himself go. I didn’t actually get to speak to Him, as He is invisible to grown ups, but His rabid obesity plainly knows no bounds. Still, little Sally and Mark, the kids from next door, swear they later saw him soiling himself as he approached their front lawn last night while they were waiting for Him to “deliver” down the chimney. All that sherry and pie must play havoc on the digestive system, I suppose. Last they saw, so they claim, he was bolting it down the road in the direction of the local Oddbins.