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The End of Season Sack Race

So it’s the end of the football season and as usual it is met with the usual banal clearout of crap managers from relegated and badly performing Premiership clubs alike.

It is interesting to note that in most cases, with Stuart Pearce being the latest example, sacked football managers leave in generally amicable, good-natured terms. The sacking is usually reported at the press conference with the chairman invariably thanking the disposed boss in question for their hard work, and often for their positive effect during their tenure.

Well, if this were true, why would you be sacking them?

People sacked in real jobs would usually be marched out of the door and ordered to return the stolen pens before the police get involved. Football (or sport in general) may just be the only circumstance where a sacking is not a personal disgrace to the unfortunate recipient. Sometimes chairmen will go as far as to mask the truth by suggesting the sacking was “mutual consent”. What they actually mean is probably “thanks for taking £50,000 of money the club hasn’t got every week, well worth the two whole goals we scored in the whole of 2007 at home”.

Meanwhile, Paul “Jewels” was said by Wigan chairman Dave “Tevez” Whelan to have quit as Wigan manager due to the impact of the relegation battle on his “health” and “personal life”. You can see it right now can’t you?

Personal Life:

Jewels’ Wife:       What the hell kind of a performance do you call that?
Jewels:                 If you don’t shut up I’ll make you shut up.

Health:

Jewels:                 I have this pain, doctor, in my upper back.
Doctor:                 Probably because you’re such a bad manager.