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"Where will it end?" Confused Man Runs Amok

Office workers, town goers and market traders alike were besieged today by a lunatic.


The currently unidentified man rampaged through the town centre causing chaos as he went.

Employees of TelCom, scene of the first incident, earlier spoke of their experiences of the man. They tell of unusual banging sounds emanating from an office lift, after which the door opened to reveal the peripatetic frame of a turbulent man. The man reportedly entered the office, rugby tackled a nearby worker to the ground before demanding to know when “it” will end. The man then hysterically searched through files, presumably looking for information.

Police were understood to have been called to the scene later in the afternoon after the man managed to escape from security guards in the TelCom office foyer and out onto the street.

Bystanders told of their confusion in the centre of town of seeing the frenzied man running about spuriously shouting the phrase “where will it end” sporadically.

“It was carnage,” Paul Whelk, a local fishmonger said. “I was standing at my stall brandishing a halibut when I first set eyes upon him. Quite a long way away he was at first. Didn’t think that much of it at first. Then before I knew what was going on he burst through the back of my stall before clattering into some wheelie bins out front full of offal.”

“I was just coming out of Nationwide,” Percy S. Tent said. “All hell was breaking loose outside”. Tent told of the image of the man bursting out of the local Ryman’s brandishing armfuls of pencils, chased down by the shop’s security guards.

Identification of the man has so far proved elusive, as police are keen to keep the event as low key as possible for fear of copy cat rampages.

“No one knew what was going on. He just kept shouting that same phrase over and over. WHERE WILL IT END! I’ve never seen anything quite like it” Market goer Gladys Powys recalls. Reports suggest that the man stopped briefly in the marketplace area of town in order to balance some cabbages on his head and chew on a railing.

Minutes later, police managed to restrain the man by placing a net in an alleyway he was running towards during his trail of destruction. The man eventually became entangled on the net and, after nearly an hour of thrashing around forlornly, eventually accepted that it had indeed ended.