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Brown sets the agenda for Britain’s future
March 2007. Prime Minister in waiting Gordon Brown this week set out his
plans to appeal to the core electorate
with a tough hard hitting new citizenship policy proposal.
Central to the new policy is the introduction of a UK citizenship test. The
cultural assessment will examine each applicant’s suitability to become
fully-fledged British citizens by questioning them in a range of
contemporary issues. Unconfirmed reports suggest that individuals who fail
to pass this test and who therefore do not exhibit the necessary knowledge,
will not be granted citizenship. The aim of the policy, officials say, is to
ensure those who do not deserve to be British
citizens, namely the stupid or the culturally dissimilar, do not
slip through the net.
Opponents of the new policy, who see it as
flagrantly discriminative to many in what is supposed to be a
culturally diverse society, believe the tests will be too subjective and
The aim of the policy, it has been understood, is to create a
“homogenous” single culture with everyone
thinking and acting within the set parameters of acceptability.
Ejected into Space
The test, which in future may be introduced in schools for all citizens, its
designed to ensure that “British” people know enough about their country to
retain the honour of being British. It
has been suggested that individuals who do not demonstrate the necessary
level of understanding of British affairs will have their nationality
revoked, and will be rounded up into special space ships before being safely
ejected into space.
Plans to eject failures into space have been seen as unworkable due to the
high level of investment needed in the associated space programme. Another
option on the table, it is understood, is to convert the existing
International Space Station into a vast asylum and
immigration camp, though such an option would depend on securing
an agreement with other participating governments who in many cases are not
so racist with their respective citizenship policies.
Among other criteria, Brown has intimated that foreign workers moving to
Britain in future would have to meet a stringent set of criteria that would
include a degree certificate from Oxford or
Cambridge Universities, the completion of the comprehensive
citizenship test, and a readiness to learn to speak English.
In addition, it has been said that the granting of British citizenship will
be primarily agreed on a probationary basis. Under such proposals, the
citizenship is subject to revocation should Brown decide that you have not
attained the appropriate level of British-ness after the six-month trial is
up. The so-called “cut-of-jib test” is
set up to provide insurance in case a foreigner turns out to be a terrorist
or does not know from where the Cornish pasty originally derives.
telly report here!