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Bed Tester Industrial Action Halted By “Tired” Picketers

A picket line of protestors outside the head office of bed retailers DFS yesterday was forced to call an end to their strike action after many swathes of people fell asleep.

Many of the workers, who in some cases had not tested a bed for four straight days, literally dropped to the ground as the lack of sleep finally overpowered their long-running industrial action with bed manufacturers including wholesale furniture giants DFS. Sloganeering workers began to reduce the ferocity of their shouting as persistent yawning increasingly disrupted the impact.

Tired and snoozing workers were eventually piled into a DFS delivery truck and were returned to their places of abode between one and three business working days. Members still standing attempted to commandeer the vehicle but were too tired to think straight and failed to fabricate a succinct plan to do so, with some resolving instead to use the last of their energy to simply fell asleep on the road, kipping in front of the truck to stifle its progress.

The action has been gathering increasing coverage in the national news, prompting other unions to stage their own protestations is a show of solidarity against the bedding conglomerates. The NUTTERS (National Union of the Testing of Tables, Teapots, Elevators, Radiators and Shoes) are rumoured to be balloting to begin a similar action, sure to send shockwaves across these affected markets.

The president of the NUTTERS, know only as The Technology Scab Monkey, earlier this week insisted that direct action was necessary. “The mega-corporations in the bedding industry are becoming too comfortable,” he said, “this complacent treatment of workers cannot and will not be tolerated by us or by our associated comrades”.

The dispute prompted industrial action on the part of the bed testers when a consortium of bed manufacturers including DFS, Ikea and Silentnight, initiated new guidelines in its employee charter code stipulating that testers must work longer hours. They insist that Government legislation on maximum work hours does apply to the industry on the grounds that the workers are effectively getting rest while they are at work. In the run up to the action, 48 hour shifts became commonplace, and it is believed that the plight of one worker, who went blind after testing beds for 78 consecutive hours.

Above: Workers have been forced to test beds like this one for 48 hours at a time

A spokesman for the consortium of bed manufacturers welcomed the end to the action this morning. He also denied reports that sleeping tablets were used to speed up the tiring process of the protestors. “I think they were tired enough without the [sleeping] pills!” he quipped.

When questioning the motives of the strike, the spokesman denied that the new regulations were unfair on employees. He instead took the opportunity to take what has already been construed as a coded swipe at some of the main instigators. “While we’re not saying that the workers have decided to strike because they’re too lazy to work, it does beg the question, would a lazy person be interested in becoming a bed tester? And the answer to that is yes”.